Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Diaper Changing 101

I don't mind cleaning up a mess after a "self fed" meal. I don't mind that by the end of the day Miles is more covered in dog hair than the dog. I don't mind cleaning up puke, even if it's purple. I don't mind crawling around the house all day discovering every inch of dirt on the hardwood floors and pretending that I am equally as fascinated as Miles is. I don't mind that I have to eat after 8pm if I want to enjoy a nice meal. I don't mind waking up at 6am every morning. I don't even mind the thought of cleaning up poopy diapers. What I do mind is the constant battle I have with Miles to SIT STILL while I change his diaper. Not even within two seconds that he is freed from the bounds of his diaper, is he twisting to get free from the bounds of the change table.

I know I am not alone in this struggle. I know I too participated in such acrobatics as a baby. This doesn't mean that I have to like it, nor accept it. I just have to deal with it.

There are a few positions that I would like to go over with those of you who have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

The Wheel Barrel: Most commonly occurs with poopy diapers. Upon grabbing Miles' ankles to remove diaper and keep dirty bottom from touching the change table, Miles shoots belly directly into air and squeezes but cheeks together. Alternate pose: Miles twists onto tummy while legs are being held in mid air. Bum is usually not wiped in this stage which adds to the fun. Admittingly, as frustrating as this is, the wheel barrel is one of my favorites. It does make me laugh.

The Instant Dog: Most commonly occurs with pee diapers, as legs are not needed to be held in mid air. Once the diaper is removed and changer is putting diaper into "the genie", Miles promptly (like the speed of light) flips onto tummy and is on all fours. Turning Miles onto back once again is futile as he simply turns himself over onto all fours again. You have to wipe Miles clean in this position. Dave has dubbed this wiping the baby "doggie style". Putting a fresh diaper on while Miles is on all fours is now common practice.

The Streaker: Most commonly occurs when the Instant Dog pisses me off and I move to the bed to try and put the diaper on. It is exactly the same as the Instant Dog, only Miles takes off crawling, fighting the diaper by any means necessary. I pull him back and the Streaker repeats.

The Cheerleader: Most commonly occurs with pee diapers, or after a poopie diaper has been wiped clean. Miles kicks his legs into the air and lowers legs with great force. Palates lovers would admire such abdominal strength.

The Clencher: This occurs with every diaper change. But cheek's and legs are clenched so that diaper application is performed only by creating a wedge between his legs in order to get diaper on.

I can only hope this phase passes. And yes, at the end of the day, he is still cute.



8 comments:

ninepounddictator said...

My friend, who has a son, says the same thing about her son about changing diapers. Maybe boys are harder than girls when it comes to changing diapers.

Also, I have to ask....is that a belly button peirce in your picture?

aethan adventures said...

and getting cuter by the minute!

Tawny said...

Hahah..the wheelbarrow sounds totally like that move in yoga (why can't I remember what it's called?) when you rest on your shoulders and bring you bum and lower back into the air? Maybe Miles is doing yoga for you!!

Love the different descriptions - funny blog today :).

Tawny said...

Oh yeah, and that IS such a cute photo :). (And I still love Miles, when's our next lunch date?)

LaLa said...

you are one funny beotch - Miles -the little poopie angel - i love that face.

maverick said...

Hello,
I really enjoyed looking over your blog. I stumbled across it while I was looking for diaper cakes to compare to some of the diaper cakes I make. If you get a chance, go to www.diapergifts.com and let me know what you think. I will be coming back to vist your blog often. Good Luck!

maverick said...

Hello,
Great blog...it sounds like your trying to get a handle on things and that is great! Gotta go, I'm looking for a baby cakes for a baby shower I'm going to and I don't know where I'm going to find it. Guess I'll check out www.diapergifts.combaby cakes, I've heard that is a good place to start.

maverick said...

Hello,
Great blog...it sounds like your trying to get a handle on things and that is great! Gotta go, I'm looking for a baby cakes for a baby shower I'm going to and I don't know where I'm going to find it. Guess I'll check out www.diapergifts.combaby cakes, I've heard that is a good place to start.