The truth is, I am almost always thinking of Miles. If I leave Miles with Dave, parents, or a friend, I can't help but wonder if he needs me, or if he's happy. I just need to know if he's okay. I know he's perfectly well taken care of and I should just relax and consider myself lucky to have some free time. I do appreciate the time I have away from Miles, but that doesn't mean I stop thinking of him. I'm not insane (though I'm sure some beg to differ), I'm not over protective (again with the begging to differ), in fact any chance I get for Miles to enjoy someone else's company, I take it.
When we went out for dinner with friends for Dave's birthday I secretly snuck the phone in the bathroom to call mom to make sure Miles was alright. Of course he was. But I couldn't have a good time until I knew, then I was fine (pour me another glass of wine!).
I think socializing a baby is important, that's why we go to playgroup. The Children's Storefront (that's playgroup) is amazing. It's a drop in, the moms are fantastic (well most of them, some are way too overprotective and insane), and there are babies of all ages for Miles to interact with. The downside is every time we go, Miles gets sick (but that's bound to happen anywhere).
I do however, have apprehensions about sending Miles to daycare. I feel like he's still so wee, and there is so much for me to miss. I know I went to daycare and turned out just fine (again with the begging to differ), and so did my brother. In fact everyone I know went to daycare. But times were different, and Maternity leave was not considered as important as it is now. I just can't imagine paying money for someone else to raise my child 8 hours a day, five days a week, and really only make a minimum amount of profit for my family (in case I didn't mention it, I'm not a rocket scientist, just a social services horticulturalist....Let me tell you, big bucks!). Even if there was a decent profit margin to be made I would have trouble with the idea of handing over Miles to a group of people I really don't know all that well.
I don't have trouble with the thought of sending him to daycare once or twice a week if necessary (socialization blah blah blah), but I really feel it is important for him to be surrounded by people he loves and that love him. I don't think that's such an insane concept. Family. It is one of the reasons I want to move home. I'm not saying I don't want to work, I do. I just want to work, and feel secure in the idea that Miles is surrounded by loved ones and his peers (that's why playgroup kicks serious ass).
So needless to say until we figure out whether or not moving home is in the future for us, we have decided that I should try my hand at being a work at home stay at home mom (hopefully this doesn't last long). I'm not sure if we can do it financially, but it's worth a try, as me going back to work really doesn't make too much of a difference financially anyways. I scored a nanny job two days a week starting in June, I'm watering a few gardens, doing some urns, and to add to that lovely list of odd jobs, I'm selling Avon (giggles).
Go ahead, laugh, I know I don't know the first thing about makeup, the most makeup I've ever applied was back in my "scary/goth" days, and that was just a shit load of black mascara, black eyeliner and some seriously red lipstick that didn't even go with my hair. I mean these days, putting makeup on means some lip gloss and a touch of brown mascara (but that bottle is all old and crusty so I don't really even use that anymore). But I need to try something, so I thought I'd give this a whirl. I have no idea what I'm doing (I'm certainly not knocking on doors, but I will put fliers in mail boxes if I have to). I don't even know if Avon will even be successful. All I know is that I feel so strongly about this that I'll basically try anything....Got any ideas?