Tuesday, May 23, 2006

That's It. I'm Stapling The Keys To My Thigh.

Miles and I recently had our first road trip together. No dad, just the two of us. Miles slept almost the entire way there. He was the best travel buddy ever. Didn't mind my singing or my music. Didn't mind that when I recited his favorite books for memory, that the book was not present. Didn't mind still facing the back of the vehicle with no one there to keep him company.

The way home was a different story.

For starters I decided to wear my contacts so that I could wear sun glasses....This was bad decision #1. I left without eating breakfast,having had numerous cups of coffee and no bathroom break....Bad decision #'s 2,3&4. We left for Miles' first nap so that he could get some good sleeping in while I drove. The roads were not too busy but the wind was killer, and the sun was half way between being not too bright, but bright enough that I needed sunglasses. Miles slept. While I drove, I contemplated my sheer genius for remembering to wear my contacts so that I could wear my sunglasses. I contemplated how brilliant I was that I remembered to put a good CD in the player before I left (instead of waiting till I started to drive). Then I acknowledged my stupidity for not eating, and drinking way too much coffee for my own good (for those of you who don't know me, when I am not pregnant I pee like I am...Now imagine me pregnant). I knew this was going to result in an early rest stop.

By the time we hit the Ingersol rest stop (going east bound) my contacts were feeling like shriveled up prunes (recontemplated my genius) and my eyes were killing me,I was starving, and I had to pee like a mo-fo....Yet still wanted another coffee (oooo and it was a Timmy Ho's stop too!). Pulling over to stop. I decided that since I was going to have to wake Miles to participate in this whole ordeal that I might as well give him a snack as well. So I did. In the serious wind, rain (oh yes, it's raining now) and cold. I remember everything for Miles but nothing for myself. I don't care. I'm cold and I'll figure it out later.

We get inside. I go to the bathroom. Speaking of which. How are you supposed to take a piss (change a tampon) wipe and wash your hands with a baby all by yourself? It's a public bathroom, I can't put him on the floor, he's freaking cause it stinks like a public bathroom and I'm no where near giving him the well deserved attention the he so feels he deserves. Hold him? Force him to stand and hold himself up? If anyone has that figured out, let me know. Poor kid, way more exposed to things he need not be. I change his diaper, and leave to feed him his snack.

mmmmm...Miles has his snack.
No food or coffee for me (forgot my wallet in the car), can't change my contacts (forgot all my stuff in the car). Guess we are done at the rest stop, leaving me to change my contacts in the car. Still raining, still windy, still cold. Make it to the car. Put Miles in the passenger seat while I change my contacts beside him. Don't want to put him in his car seat longer than necessary. He freaks if he's in the car seat and the car is not moving. Don't blame him, that seat looks so deceiving. Cushiony yet strappy and restraining all at the same time.
Contacts are out, glasses on.

I reach for the back door and unlock the lock (yes manual locks). I lock passenger door. Put Miles in his car seat. Lock door. Go to get into drivers seat. Door locked. No keys in pocket. No fucking keys in my pocket!!! Look to passenger seat. Keys sitting on seat.
Baby locked in car.
Shit Shit Shit. First reaction was to run from door to door trying to open them. I did that three times. My second reaction was to kick in the window, but decided that may not be the best option a)it would be a cold, wet drive home and b)it would likely scare the crap out of Miles.

I look to a man getting in his car beside mine and said "Oh my god, I just locked my baby in my car". He looks at me and said "Really?" Then shut his door and pulled away. To him I send out a great big virtual FUCK YOU! I looked at Miles. Not yet crying, but trying to figure out what the hell it is I'm doing....why isn't she getting in? Why is she staring at me? Lets get this show on the road. I look up and see a woman and a man carrying a small child. They will help, I know it. I ask them please to help me and the man pulled out his phone and was dialing roadside assistance like he was a pro. The woman took baby inside. I don't blame her...Cold, raining, wind, yadda yadda yadda. The man had someone coming to help me in less than 15 minutes. I just wanted to hug him, but he looked like the type that wouldn't appreciate a hug from some stranger. Hugged him anyways. I really was thankful for his help. He just looked cold and wet.

I spent the next fifteen minutes trying to entertain Miles with a plastic cow I happened to have in my pocket, as well as various versions of peek a boo through three windows. I'm sure people thought I was a mixture of a lunatic and the worlds worst mother. Miles only cried once, with thanks to strangers that helped to entertain here and there. He always loves people and new faces. Some even got him to laugh. Thank you. It seemed like an eternity, but 15 minutes later the tow truck showed up, and in all of about 30 seconds my door was unlocked.
He took one look at Miles and said, "Why couldn't your kid just unlock the door?". "He's not even a year old" I said. I mean I'd like to think he's a genius, but I know for certain he can't open a lock on command.

So completely guilt ridden I took Miles out of the car seat. Hugged him and played with him for an hour before we got in the car and drove home. Miles slept the entire way, clueless that his mommy just locked him in the car.
I only cried once.
When I got home and saw Dave I gave him a huge hug and embarassingly told him what happened. Of course my version of the story was way too drawn out for him, and he's made fun of me numerous times since. One of my friends told me that you aren't officially a mother until you lock your kid in the car at least once. I felt better for a second, then felt bad again.

I will NEVER lock Miles in the car again...Unless he locks himself in (which is highly likely).
That's it.
I'm stapling the keys to my thigh.


Anonymous said...

We locked one of you in the car once at Dieppe Park - but neither of us can remember if it was you or AJ. Kind of ironic that I gave you the Valiants neck key holder the day before - that would be better than a stapler. It's nice to hear that at least some of the people were willing to help. Maybe this will become a new game for you and Miles - Hide & Seek you on the outside. Luv Ya Dad

ninepounddictator said...

Wow! I could only imagine how you felt...The good news is is that you will never ever do that again. Don't humans amaze you when you really need their help? Some people don't do a damn thing, and others will.
Anyway, they say people can only learn from their mistakes, right? (It's like the time I accidently hit my babies head on the movie screen above our airplane seat...I did it once, and will never do it again!)

rb said...

My mom locked me in the car when I was a kid. I'm sure Miles will turn out just fine. Then again...

Tawny said...

Yup, I've heard this story before. My friend wrote about it on her blog (http://littlepieceoftexas2.blogspot.com/2004_03_01_littlepieceoftexas2_archive.html - it's the last post for that page, dated March 7).

I think it's probably true - it's a rite of passage to motherhood :).

I can imagine how freaked you were though. Poor H :(.

Zayna said...

My heart was pounding through that entire blog! You handled it great, girl! I know it's a matter of time for me - the Volvo seems to automatically lock all the doors after I put Samien in the car seat and shut his door. I dread the day I'll find the keys sitting in my purse next to him with me on the outside!

ninepounddictator said...

I've just reread this again. And I forgot to mention that I have learned to unbutton button-fly pants, pull down my underwear, and pee, and put it all back on, all while holding the dictator. it takes a special talent doesn't it?

Laural Dawn said...

This story killed me! That's awful and I can totally relate.
Honestly I one time had a similar experience. My son was locked in the car and I freaked out, and my friend finally called Roadside Assistance.
The guy got there and said to me (not kidding) I'd be happy to open it for you but the passenger door is unlocked.
Definitely a rite of passage :)

BumbleBee, Ella, Warner, LeeBee,Banana,AL said...

Oh goodness, I can only imagine how freaked out you must have been! I freaked out just reading. Truthfully, I'm almost certain I may find myself in a similar situation one day:)

Reject the Koolaid said...

Great post

Jessica said...

Sweet Jesus Heather.
I hug you