That's It. I'm Stapling The Keys To My Thigh.

Miles and I recently had our first road trip together. No dad, just the two of us. Miles slept almost the entire way there. He was the best travel buddy ever. Didn't mind my singing or my music. Didn't mind that when I recited his favorite books for memory, that the book was not present. Didn't mind still facing the back of the vehicle with no one there to keep him company.

The way home was a different story.

For starters I decided to wear my contacts so that I could wear sun glasses....This was bad decision #1. I left without eating breakfast,having had numerous cups of coffee and no bathroom break....Bad decision #'s 2,3&4. We left for Miles' first nap so that he could get some good sleeping in while I drove. The roads were not too busy but the wind was killer, and the sun was half way between being not too bright, but bright enough that I needed sunglasses. Miles slept. While I drove, I contemplated my sheer genius for remembering to wear my contacts so that I could wear my sunglasses. I contemplated how brilliant I was that I remembered to put a good CD in the player before I left (instead of waiting till I started to drive). Then I acknowledged my stupidity for not eating, and drinking way too much coffee for my own good (for those of you who don't know me, when I am not pregnant I pee like I am...Now imagine me pregnant). I knew this was going to result in an early rest stop.

By the time we hit the Ingersol rest stop (going east bound) my contacts were feeling like shriveled up prunes (recontemplated my genius) and my eyes were killing me,I was starving, and I had to pee like a mo-fo....Yet still wanted another coffee (oooo and it was a Timmy Ho's stop too!). Pulling over to stop. I decided that since I was going to have to wake Miles to participate in this whole ordeal that I might as well give him a snack as well. So I did. In the serious wind, rain (oh yes, it's raining now) and cold. I remember everything for Miles but nothing for myself. I don't care. I'm cold and I'll figure it out later.

We get inside. I go to the bathroom. Speaking of which. How are you supposed to take a piss (change a tampon) wipe and wash your hands with a baby all by yourself? It's a public bathroom, I can't put him on the floor, he's freaking cause it stinks like a public bathroom and I'm no where near giving him the well deserved attention the he so feels he deserves. Hold him? Force him to stand and hold himself up? If anyone has that figured out, let me know. Poor kid, way more exposed to things he need not be. I change his diaper, and leave to feed him his snack.

mmmmm...Miles has his snack.

No food or coffee for me (forgot my wallet in the car), can't change my contacts (forgot all my stuff in the car). Guess we are done at the rest stop, leaving me to change my contacts in the car. Still raining, still windy, still cold. Make it to the car. Put Miles in the passenger seat while I change my contacts beside him. Don't want to put him in his car seat longer than necessary. He freaks if he's in the car seat and the car is not moving. Don't blame him, that seat looks so deceiving. Cushiony yet strappy and restraining all at the same time.

Contacts are out, glasses on.

I reach for the back door and unlock the lock (yes manual locks). I lock passenger door. Put Miles in his car seat. Lock door. Go to get into drivers seat. Door locked. No keys in pocket. No fucking keys in my pocket!!! Look to passenger seat. Keys sitting on seat.

Baby locked in car.

Shit Shit Shit. First reaction was to run from door to door trying to open them. I did that three times. My second reaction was to kick in the window, but decided that may not be the best option a)it would be a cold, wet drive home and b)it would likely scare the crap out of Miles.

I look to a man getting in his car beside mine and said "Oh my god, I just locked my baby in my car". He looks at me and said "Really?" Then shut his door and pulled away. To him I send out a great big virtual FUCK YOU! I looked at Miles. Not yet crying, but trying to figure out what the hell it is I'm doing....why isn't she getting in? Why is she staring at me? Lets get this show on the road. I look up and see a woman and a man carrying a small child. They will help, I know it. I ask them please to help me and the man pulled out his phone and was dialing roadside assistance like he was a pro. The woman took baby inside. I don't blame her...Cold, raining, wind, yadda yadda yadda. The man had someone coming to help me in less than 15 minutes. I just wanted to hug him, but he looked like the type that wouldn't appreciate a hug from some stranger. Hugged him anyways. I really was thankful for his help. He just looked cold and wet.

I spent the next fifteen minutes trying to entertain Miles with a plastic cow I happened to have in my pocket, as well as various versions of peek a boo through three windows. I'm sure people thought I was a mixture of a lunatic and the worlds worst mother. Miles only cried once, with thanks to strangers that helped to entertain here and there. He always loves people and new faces. Some even got him to laugh. Thank you. It seemed like an eternity, but 15 minutes later the tow truck showed up, and in all of about 30 seconds my door was unlocked.

GREAT BIG SIGH OF RELIEF

He took one look at Miles and said, "Why couldn't your kid just unlock the door?". "He's not even a year old" I said. I mean I'd like to think he's a genius, but I know for certain he can't open a lock on command.

So completely guilt ridden I took Miles out of the car seat. Hugged him and played with him for an hour before we got in the car and drove home. Miles slept the entire way, clueless that his mommy just locked him in the car.

I only cried once.

When I got home and saw Dave I gave him a huge hug and embarassingly told him what happened. Of course my version of the story was way too drawn out for him, and he's made fun of me numerous times since. One of my friends told me that you aren't officially a mother until you lock your kid in the car at least once. I felt better for a second, then felt bad again.

I will NEVER lock Miles in the car again...Unless he locks himself in (which is highly likely).

That's it.

I'm stapling the keys to my thigh.

Ode To The Belly That Was

In less than a month Miles will be one. It's hard to believe that this coming weekend last year, I was thinking that I was going to have a baby. I was due May 24th (Miles decided to arrive June 10th) . I figured he was going to have some kick ass birthday celebrations when he got older with a birthday on the 2-4 weekend (likely ones I didn't want to hear about, but kick ass nonetheless). Little did I know that I was going to be weeks overdue.

Lets face it, for those of you that knew me when I was pregnant it got pretty ugly near the end (who am I kidding, despite all my exercise I grew like a...lets just say I got big fast). I WAS HUGE!!! I should have known a ten pounder was in there waiting & waiting and waiting.

Today I raise a glass of wine to my big ole belly (because I certainly couldn't then). Despite the gynormous sizes that this body achieved (I'm sure thanks to chocolate), I really miss the old belly. Rubbing it, reading to it, blasting music against it, getting automatic seats on the TTC with it, and feeling the sweetness inside of it.































......After the 3 days overdue photo no more photos were taken (that would just be cruel and unusual punishment to myself) until Miles was born....and we haven't stopped taking photos since.

Educational Toys?....I'll take the.....

I spend so much time and energy trying to figure out how I can stimulate Miles' mind in new ways. As you can see from the previous post, at times I have resorted to pots and pans (simple pleasures). I have threaded shoe laces through wooden spatulas, put uncooked noodles in old cottage cheese containers, and put myself in a variety of contorted positions just for a laugh.

We don't really have a tonne of toys (although he also hasn't had a birthday yet either), we buy new ones here and there (mostly second hand, as we never know if he's going to like them or not) because we think he's bored of the old ones, but that doesn't seem to be the case. We bring the toys home, put them together, feel completely accomplished that we constructed it properly and Miles takes one look and bangs on the floor with his block. Not interested in the least. He's not bored with his toys, he just has no interest in them what so ever. He really is content with climbing stairs, ripping my favorite books, opening the door closing the door, opening the door closing the door, opening the door closing the door, and eating Starbucks coffee cups.

We spend a lot of our time outdoors walking and pointing. The horticulturalist in me will have him identifying the rarest of plants in no time. Miles points at a tree and instead of me saying "tree", I say "that's a Norway Maple, or that's a Redbud". I then correct myself and say "Norway Maple Tree". On our walks he points out flowers all the time too. It kills me to just say "flower" and leave it at that (I want to say Trillium, Tulip, Peony) .

The other portion of our time is dedicated to feeding, cruising around the house, eating Chewy's dog food, dropping things in Chewy's water dish, dive bombing off the bed, and reading reading reading. The kid LOVES his books. Unfortunately we inherited a Barney book at some point in time, and well...It's the only book that makes him laugh hysterically upon opening. Yes this makes me cringe. I'm just hoping he's laughing at the absurdity of Barney, and not just because he's a fun loving purple freaking dinosaur. He did learn to say (and point out) baby from the book so I guess I do owe Barney a bit of credit.


Miles' Top Five Favorite Toys of the Week.

#5 Plastic container with 7 stale Cheerio's inside.
Ideal of shaking, banging, chewing, and throwing.













#4 Phone Book.
The only phone book in the house containing all numbers (argh).
Ideal of slobbering all over, throwing, and passing to mom (over and over again).













#3 Door Stop
Ideal for making boingy noise.
A personal favorite of the neighbor's I'm sure.











#2 Shoe laces through wooden spatula.
This one speaks for itself.













IT'S A TIE
#1 Pop can.
No brand preference.
Along with fabric softener sheets, this kid would crawl any distance to get his hand on one precious aluminum can. I have to stuff it with cloth so that he doesn't cut himself.



















#1 Remote Controls
Ideal for sucking, raising volume, lowering volume, and changing channels.
It's a miracle these remotes even work anymore.

Knock Knock...Who's There?

The truth is, I am almost always thinking of Miles. If I leave Miles with Dave, parents, or a friend, I can't help but wonder if he needs me, or if he's happy. I just need to know if he's okay. I know he's perfectly well taken care of and I should just relax and consider myself lucky to have some free time. I do appreciate the time I have away from Miles, but that doesn't mean I stop thinking of him. I'm not insane (though I'm sure some beg to differ), I'm not over protective (again with the begging to differ), in fact any chance I get for Miles to enjoy someone else's company, I take it.

When we went out for dinner with friends for Dave's birthday I secretly snuck the phone in the bathroom to call mom to make sure Miles was alright. Of course he was. But I couldn't have a good time until I knew, then I was fine (pour me another glass of wine!).

I think socializing a baby is important, that's why we go to playgroup. The Children's Storefront (that's playgroup) is amazing. It's a drop in, the moms are fantastic (well most of them, some are way too overprotective and insane), and there are babies of all ages for Miles to interact with. The downside is every time we go, Miles gets sick (but that's bound to happen anywhere).

I do however, have apprehensions about sending Miles to daycare. I feel like he's still so wee, and there is so much for me to miss. I know I went to daycare and turned out just fine (again with the begging to differ), and so did my brother. In fact everyone I know went to daycare. But times were different, and Maternity leave was not considered as important as it is now. I just can't imagine paying money for someone else to raise my child 8 hours a day, five days a week, and really only make a minimum amount of profit for my family (in case I didn't mention it, I'm not a rocket scientist, just a social services horticulturalist....Let me tell you, big bucks!). Even if there was a decent profit margin to be made I would have trouble with the idea of handing over Miles to a group of people I really don't know all that well.

I don't have trouble with the thought of sending him to daycare once or twice a week if necessary (socialization blah blah blah), but I really feel it is important for him to be surrounded by people he loves and that love him. I don't think that's such an insane concept. Family. It is one of the reasons I want to move home. I'm not saying I don't want to work, I do. I just want to work, and feel secure in the idea that Miles is surrounded by loved ones and his peers (that's why playgroup kicks serious ass).

So needless to say until we figure out whether or not moving home is in the future for us, we have decided that I should try my hand at being a work at home stay at home mom (hopefully this doesn't last long). I'm not sure if we can do it financially, but it's worth a try, as me going back to work really doesn't make too much of a difference financially anyways. I scored a nanny job two days a week starting in June, I'm watering a few gardens, doing some urns, and to add to that lovely list of odd jobs, I'm selling Avon (giggles).

Go ahead, laugh, I know I don't know the first thing about makeup, the most makeup I've ever applied was back in my "scary/goth" days, and that was just a shit load of black mascara, black eyeliner and some seriously red lipstick that didn't even go with my hair. I mean these days, putting makeup on means some lip gloss and a touch of brown mascara (but that bottle is all old and crusty so I don't really even use that anymore). But I need to try something, so I thought I'd give this a whirl. I have no idea what I'm doing (I'm certainly not knocking on doors, but I will put fliers in mail boxes if I have to). I don't even know if Avon will even be successful. All I know is that I feel so strongly about this that I'll basically try anything....Got any ideas?