Thursday, October 26, 2006

Thirteen Reasons Why I Am Who I Am

**NOTE: Please keep in mind, not all photos of friends could be included as most are incriminating in some way shape or form . Also, "Reasons" are in no particular order as I have issues downloading pictures on to Blogger. Issues I'd rather NOT discuss.**

**Disclaimer: I am who I am. Sorry if you are a part of it and don't want to be. I have a lovely mind, but a filthy mouth. I am very kind and caring, but can be far too honest for my own good (see profile). Yes there are more than thirteen reasons why I am who I am, but that would just take too long, and besides, it's 13 thursday, not 300001 thursday.**

Reason #1: My Parents
Reason #2: Mother Nature

Reason #3: Care Bare Rollerskates

Reason #4: Dave

Reason #5: Words

Reason #6: Miles

Reason #7: My Friends (highschool photo)
Reason #8: My Zodiac Sign
Reason #9 Field, B.C.

Reason #10 Chocolate (mmmm)

Reason #11: Bob Dylan

Reason #12: Pink Floyd

Reason #13: Basically Everything on THIS Website

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wordless Wednesday

Mr. Potato Head strikes again

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thirteen Reasons Why Being a Mom Is Like a Smoker who Rides a Bike

Thursday thirteen's? What the F? Well ask any serious blogger what that means and they know. It's Thursday, and you make a list of thirteen things (DUH). Whatever topic you want really. Thirteen. No more. No less. And well, being the oh so serious blogger that I am, I've decided to give it a whirl. Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

**IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER....and definitely not always referring to myself**

1. Power Lungs:
Riding a bike and smoking requires amazing lung capacity. I've witnessed this act of aerobic lunacy with my own eyes. It pales in comparison to the lungs an enervated mother needs to sing "Old McDonald Had a Farm" for the five millionth time that day.

2. Boldness:
Riding a bike and smoking requires the rider to look beyond the stupefied eyes that stare at the sheer idiocy of events being performed on two wheels. This pales in comparison to the mother who dances foolishly around grocery carts to avoid "the moment of no turning back" much to the annoyance of hurried shoppers. The mother who sings made up songs on street corners as highschool children point and laugh. The mother who wrestles their children publicly just to put on a shoe.

3. Multi-tasking:
Riding a bike and smoking requires...Well...Basically doing two things at once. Although I have observed these said smoking wonders on wheels riding with both hands on the handle, and smoke dangling out of mouth....Simply breathtaking. It still pales in comparison to the mother who can clean and entire room with her toes clenching open and closed because company is coming over that night, and baby has chosen that particular day as the day they need to be held....By mom only...The entire day.

4. Appearance:
Foolishly, the individual riding a bike and smoking is the only person who thinks they look cool. More importantly, this person cares not if anyone thinks they look cool. A sort of "fuck society" if you will. This pales in comparison to the lactating mother walking boldly down the street with two perfectly circular wet marks on her shirt where her breasts are. Pales in comparison to the mother who has been reduced to chapstick being the most make-up she will ever put on for years. Pales in comparison to the mother who's only shopping excitement is getting a new pair of yoga pants to replace the ones she wore when she was 8 months pregnant. Not to mention the fact that their sleeve has become a snot rag, for their child and all of their child's friends.....difference...These mothers don't think they look cool...Looking cool takes too long....Similarity, a sort of "fuck society" if you will attitude about their appearance. I'm a stay at home mom, and the only person I need to impress today is this child who could give two craps about how I look right now....That is until the husband comes home.

5. Selfishness:
Riding a bike and smoking is pure selfishness. Check the outside of any bar...Smokers group....They huddle....They stink up the air in one location. The riding smoker distributes the cigarette smoke evenly throughout the entire neighbourhood, although never actually done myself, I don't know how much ground you can cover in the duration of an entire smoke. I've walked behind a biking smoker though...nuf said. Pales in comparison to the mother who's child has made a "stinky" and won't/can't change it because....well...They just don't feel like it.

6. Need For Speed:
Riding a bike and smoking must be a thrill ride. Traveling at their speed of choice, all the while inhaling that sweet nicotine. Pales in comparison to the ex-smoker mom avec jogging stroller who runs the dog, baby and herself all the while singing Dora the Explorer for 6 kilometers. Stopping only to pick up dog shit. Sweet.

7. Solidarity:
The smoking cyclist rides alone....though they may beg to differ that this is all part of the "cool factor". The stay at home mom, even if she has other mommy friends, spends a lot of time talking to a child, and when the child is asleep...Alone. Though time spent not smoking, mother indulges in laundry, dishes, sweeping...Oh and blogging....way cooler than smoking and riding a bike...I guess.

8. Branding:
The bicycling smoker finds it imperative to have not only the trashiest (which is cool...Just look at K-Fed) bike to ride, clothes to wear and the strongest cigarettes to smoke for full effect. Cigarettes must be displayed on sleeve. Once again pales in comparison the fashionable mother who walks her child in only the coolest brand name stroller, all name brand clothing, and keeps those silly tags on her diaper bag....She pales in comparison to the mother who has a steal of a stroller found on e-bay, wearing all clothing found in Value Village (score), goes to the library to get books, and carries the Value Village bag around to pick up dog shit with.

9. Fearlessness:
The helmetless, smoking cyclist has no fear as he cruises cool handedly through stop signs. No comparison to the mother who boldly walks from street corner to street corner expecting everyone to stop for her and her infant passenger.

10. Honesty:
The smoking cyclist is clearly not afraid to let everyone know, "Hey, I ride a bike and I smoke....eff you". Can't hold a candle to, "Hey, my son is teething right now. I had friends over on the weekend and stayed up far too late for the 5:45 wake up call. I'll look like this if I goddamn want to...eff you".

11. Nature Lover:
The smoking cyclist is making a statement while tooting around on their bicycle. I love the outdoors...I'd rather ride a bike and smoke than sit on my couch and watch Who Wants to be a Millionaire and smoke. Similar to mom who'd rather spend all her time away from home than look at the mess she will have to attend to later. Library = mess somewhere else. Play Group = Mess somewhere else. Stroller walk = No mess....Ahhh.

12. Heart Attack Waiting to Happen
The smoking cyclist...well...It goes without saying..They are quite literally a heart attack waiting to happen. While a new mom practically has a heart attack over everything that "happens" baby.

13. Talent:
Riding a bike and smoking is an exercise of extremes. Quite frankly, so is being a mom.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

My Darling Little Sponge

I can't see a difference. Can you see a difference?

We've finally reached the stage where our little fun machine is repeating EVERYTHING we say. His version of our words are granted a bit different, but none the less repeated. Example: Clearing out the glass says "shit".... Miles says "hit"...Mom says "ah man" (as is ah man this kid is repeating EVERYTHING I say...Miles says "ahh man" (like Cheech or Chong might say after having smoke a big fatty). Lesson: Swear words are out.

Is there fun in this? Of course...As long as you watch what you say. Picking the most absurd words for Miles to repeat is always fun. Even the easiest of words is fun to hear him repeat. Apple = Apple. Apple Juice = Appy Jew hmm. Chew = Chew. However Chewy (as in our dog) = Cookie.

As of today though, our favorite words are "NO" and "YEAH". Example: Everything does not have to be a yes or no question. Do you want to take a nap? "NO". Well of course you fool, why would he want to take a nap? Next try...."In 5 minutes we are going to have a nap" "NO". Lesson: Shit, it doesn't work either way.

What it comes down to is that I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm basically winging it, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job. So what if the kid said shit....he brushes his damn teeth!The only problem is that I don't know what this kid knows anymore. Words fly out of his mouth that I don't even think I taught him. LESSON: This kid is sort of like Santa Clause. .......He knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

I can't see a difference. Can you see the difference?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Yes We Are Alive!

Before you all start to lecture me about my blogger neglect please take into consideration that we've just picked up our entire lives and plopped them into a new city. We just bought a house (which I love, especially the yard), and even though we've been in it a few weeks, I'm still among boxes, wires, and torn up carpet. Thanks to Mike, we do finally have a new front porch though!

It's not as easy as one might think to blog, unpack, cook, have time for yourself, and look for a job with a walking, talking, 15 month old fun machine always at your side either. Once I find my camera cable...wherever the hell that is...I'll post some new pics of the house and my darling little monster.

It's hard to think about everything I want to blog about when it's been nearly two months since I've made a post. So I will end this post here and come back with a doozie tomorrow. I know, I know....give it a rest Lala.

To all my faithful readers, thanks for waiting for me. I promise a good laugh tomorrow. Right now I have to deal with the bomb that has gone off in my living room.