Diaper Changing 101

I don't mind cleaning up a mess after a "self fed" meal. I don't mind that by the end of the day Miles is more covered in dog hair than the dog. I don't mind cleaning up puke, even if it's purple. I don't mind crawling around the house all day discovering every inch of dirt on the hardwood floors and pretending that I am equally as fascinated as Miles is. I don't mind that I have to eat after 8pm if I want to enjoy a nice meal. I don't mind waking up at 6am every morning. I don't even mind the thought of cleaning up poopy diapers. What I do mind is the constant battle I have with Miles to SIT STILL while I change his diaper. Not even within two seconds that he is freed from the bounds of his diaper, is he twisting to get free from the bounds of the change table.

I know I am not alone in this struggle. I know I too participated in such acrobatics as a baby. This doesn't mean that I have to like it, nor accept it. I just have to deal with it.

There are a few positions that I would like to go over with those of you who have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

The Wheel Barrel: Most commonly occurs with poopy diapers. Upon grabbing Miles' ankles to remove diaper and keep dirty bottom from touching the change table, Miles shoots belly directly into air and squeezes but cheeks together. Alternate pose: Miles twists onto tummy while legs are being held in mid air. Bum is usually not wiped in this stage which adds to the fun. Admittingly, as frustrating as this is, the wheel barrel is one of my favorites. It does make me laugh.

The Instant Dog: Most commonly occurs with pee diapers, as legs are not needed to be held in mid air. Once the diaper is removed and changer is putting diaper into "the genie", Miles promptly (like the speed of light) flips onto tummy and is on all fours. Turning Miles onto back once again is futile as he simply turns himself over onto all fours again. You have to wipe Miles clean in this position. Dave has dubbed this wiping the baby "doggie style". Putting a fresh diaper on while Miles is on all fours is now common practice.

The Streaker: Most commonly occurs when the Instant Dog pisses me off and I move to the bed to try and put the diaper on. It is exactly the same as the Instant Dog, only Miles takes off crawling, fighting the diaper by any means necessary. I pull him back and the Streaker repeats.

The Cheerleader: Most commonly occurs with pee diapers, or after a poopie diaper has been wiped clean. Miles kicks his legs into the air and lowers legs with great force. Palates lovers would admire such abdominal strength.

The Clencher: This occurs with every diaper change. But cheek's and legs are clenched so that diaper application is performed only by creating a wedge between his legs in order to get diaper on.

I can only hope this phase passes. And yes, at the end of the day, he is still cute.

Name That Hazard

Lets look at this picture closely (actually, you don't even have to look that closely). How many baby hazards do you see? .....and that's just the computer room! Seems to me, we either baby proof this house or we move before it's too late. I've got my fingers crossed for the big move.

Meet You All The Way (do do do)...Roseanna YEAH!

It is not unusual for me to come home and find Dave playing some absurdly wonderful game with Miles. Like a few weeks ago for example, I came home to Dave flying Miles around the house in the laundry basket. Miles of course was loving every second of it. So of course now it's a regular game.

Today's events however take the cake. I was downstairs doing some cleaning and I heard the ever famous thump thump thumping on the ceiling. Miles was in his bouncer.

**Many of you know how fond Miles is of his bouncer. He could spend hours bouncing to music. It is a cherished time for all. He has great amounts of fun all the while completely tiring himself out, and we can actually do stuff and keep an eye on him and know that he's not going to get into any trouble.**

Anyways, I thought I'd find Dave on the computer and Miles bouncing away to some Stevie Wonder or James Brown....But no. Dave was dancing in front of Miles and listening to "Roseanna" by TOTO, and Miles was bouncing higher than I had ever seen him bounce.

Well after pissing myself laughing, Dave tried to tell me he was just "goofing around". They were having too much fun to be goofing around, they were loving it. Now I know about Dave's secret love for TOTO. You know, I really should have clued in at the baby shower. We were playing some silly version of musical chairs and Dave (playing the DJ) put "Roseanna" on. We all thought he was silly (figuring he was having fun with the ecletic record collection at hand), laughed, and danced like fools around a few chairs. Little did we all know that secretly Dave was loving the lyrical genius TOTO.

Now I know Dave. Now I know.

The Much Talked About, But Never Seen, Fish Face

I have been trying to capture this face on film for a long time now.

Finally, fish boy and I had a photoshoot.

Just What Is This Monitor Monitoring Anyways?

Scenario #1
Put Miles to sleep. Turn on upstairs monitor. Listen to Portuguese woman next door chat on the phone (too bad she doesn't speak English, it sounded pretty heated). Switch channel (there are only 2...A & B). Listen to some mother trying to put her kid to sleep (poor woman, sounded like she was having a rough time). Switch back to previous channel...Miles snoring.

Scenario #2
Put Miles to sleep. Turn on upstairs monitor. Listen to Miles snore. Read book, watch TV, fiddle on computer. Listen to high pitched ringing, buzzing and beeping (Alien communication?). Noises stop. Listen to Miles snore.

Scenario #3
Put Miles to sleep. Turn on upstairs monitor. Listen to silence. Switch channel. Listen to silence. Turn up volume. Silence. Press monitor to ear. Silence. Switch back channel. Turn up volume. Silence. Press monitor to ear. Silence. Is my kid even breathing? Go downstairs. Peek in room. Look for the rise and fall of his chest. He's fine (of course). Go upstairs. Realize I'm far too paranoid and need to take it easy (I should appreciate the silence). Listen to Miles snoring (figures).

I thought Dean and Jody were silly for getting a video monitor (pricey, and well, what did our parents do before monitors?). When we visited, I always asked to use it (novelty)....of course secretly wishing I had one. I guess when they hear alien noises, next door neighbours, or just plain sweet silence, they can just look at the the mini screen and know everything is okay (although their monitor is so advanced I'm sure it doesn't even pick up half of the crap ours does). It's too late for us now. All I can do now is think of the monitors future potential and advantages. I'm hoping that when we move we can use our monitors to spy on the neighbours, or communicate with alien life which ever comes first. Dean & Jody, we sit in awe and admire the wonder of baby technology you possess, and kick ourselves daily for not getting one.

The Lovely Blood Blistery Lip

Some of you may know this already, some of you may not want to read any further.....Miles can only take a poo while standing. Silly? Yes. My fault? Totally. I always hated when he pooped and then sat down. Poo would smoosh everywhere. So, I started to take notice when he was taking a poo. When I thought he was pooping, I would make him stand up while doing it. I thought it worked well for all of us....Dave or myself (yes he changes the crappy ones too) cleaned a diaper that was not as smooshy and gross as it could have been, and Miles gets his diaper changed immediately following a poo. How nice!

So now I can predict when a poo is coming and I can actually make him go. Well, the downfall is that I have to stand with him every time he goes. In all seriousness I have to put something in front of him to sort of entertain him (don't laugh, I know many of you read on the crapper). The upside to this is no poopie diapers in public, and the possibility of easier potty training come time (I just might be a diaper genius, or really trying to convince myself that this is perfectly normal). Where is this going you may ask, as I really don't need to know the bowel movements of a 9 month old. Well, the other day (while trying to get Miles to take a dump) Miles dropped one of the toys that he was playing with. When he bent down to retrieve the toy, he banged his lip on the coffee table, and pretty hard too. We are talking serious tears. If you look at the picture you will see his lovely blood blistery lip. Was it necessary to tell you all of the above? Not at all. I could have told you he dropped a toy and hit the table when he went to pick it up. But what fun would that be?

Now when I go out in public I don't hear "Oh you poor baby what happened to your eye?", I hear "You poor baby what happened to your lip?". Since I trimmed Miles' bangs, I also hope to no longer hear "Oh you poor baby, can you even see through all that hair?" Sometimes I'm not so nice when people ask these questions (I mean people are seriously bold sometimes, the stories I could tell). To top it all off, his nails were so long that he scratched the hell out of his face in his sleep, so I had to trim his nails too (trimming a babies nails kicks ass!). Really, I'm surprised I don't hear "Oh you poor baby, don't your parents take care of you?" I haven't planned the come back for that one yet....I'll work on it.

Is The Sippy Cup Half Empty Or Half Full

My friends the sippy cup is HALF EMPTY!!!!! I don't know what happened, but something kicked in yesterday (possibly dehydration) and Miles decided that he was FINALLY going to drink something. It was pear juice mixed with water, but he drank an entire cup and a half through the course of the day. It took a lot of cheering and clapping after every sip on our part. He clapped too (I think he thought he was some sort of super star and all he had to do was drink out of a cup). This morning when we got up I decided that I would try formula and see how that would go over. He drank two ounces (of course every sip followed by large amounts of cheering and clapping....this morning I even danced). It was only two ounces, but two ounces more than he has in days. He even drank some more juice! So now Dave and I are proud parents to a baby that drinks liquid...well some anyways.

I have to admit that I am sort of relieved that Miles went through this hunger strike so to speak because it distracted me from the fact that the breastfeeding experience was over for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to no longer have Miles "bound to the boob", knowing that I can go and do things for longer periods of time but I am sad that it's over and that it had to end so abruptly. Being able to nurse your baby is a very special and powerful experience. Hopefully there will be a number two to share this experience with.

This is Miles celebrating his drinking fiesta with Dave......we are so proud.

Hunger Strike

It has been a very frustrating week, and it still continues. Miles has decided that not only does he no longer want to nurse (so it looks like that's over with because the supply is dwindling), he wants nothing to do with formula either. He won't take a a bottle in any way shape or form, nor will he take a sippy cup. In fact it has been a challenge getting any sort of fluid in him. It takes a lot of trickery and patience to get him to take any fluid. Some friends have experienced first hand how challenging it can be, and how involved they get when they are around for a feeding....suckers.

We took him to the pediatrician the other day to make sure that he was doing alright. He is still the same old Miles, happy as ever....well except for the fact that he is cutting another tooth, sick and oh yeah, he's not drinking much. Apparently as long as there are tears when he cries and pee in the diapers there shouldn't be need for much concern. If it lasts more than a few weeks then we will have to figure out what to do. Until then, I just try everyday to figure out how he wants his fluids, what fluids he wants, and how I'm going to get him to take them. It's an ordeal for me, though some may call it a spectator sport.

This past weekend Miles, Michelle and I went to visit Brandi, Brian and Edie. We had a great time. Brandi looks fantastic and it was lovely to touch a pregnant belly again. We had crazy play time, ate a lobster dinner, drank some yummy wine, chatted, played cards...oh and did I mention try to get Miles to drink something?

I Just May Lose The Nipples

Seriously, this is getting out of hand. I've dubbed it the "DEADLY NIP GRIP", and let me tell you, it f&*^ing kills. Miles has decided that biting while nursing is just about the funniest thing he can conjure up. When Dave is around, Miles bites me really hard and then looks at Dave and laughs. Like he's really funny or something for hurting me. It doesn't help that Dave laughs too (lets give the kid ammo Dave). When Dave isn't around and Miles bites me I tell him no. I can't however get him to unlatch because Dave isn't there to gain approval from. So instead of turning to Dave and laughing, he just continues to bite without letting go (A.K.A. DEADLY NIP GRIP). He cries, like I'm some big meanie pants for not letting him take my nipple with him for lunch as well.

We are talking serious teeth marks here people!!! Razor sharp slicers.

So I've tried to give him a bottle, and well, he basically cries bloody murder till I give him the boob again, which he proceeds to bite straight away. Needless to say I'm getting frustrated. Tomorrow I've decided to stand firm on the bottle. He will get at least two bottles tomorrow and I don't want to hear another thing about it.

Yes he's still cute.

My Friend Bo

We went to Windsor this weekend to visit friends and celebrate Jody's birthday (even though she hates celebrating her birthday). We had such a great time seeing everyone. I had more laughs than I've had in a while. There were even laughing tears and laughing stomach cramps.

It was so nice to see Bo and Miles hanging out again. They are soooo super cute together. Miles crawled for his first time on Saturday and it has been amazing to watch him get faster and more coordinated since. As I sit here and type I think of all the things I should put away from his reach before Miles wakes from his nap. Perhaps I should get on that...........

Hi-5

This is a picture of Miles in his new favorite office chair (Now the Trump comb over really works). It's really the computer chair but it's highlights are the fact that it spins, raises up and down, and has fancy plastic arm rests in which to chew on. He seriously loves it, and wants to be in it all the time.

It has to be one of the most amazing things to watch a child grow and learn. Watching that glimmer in their eyes when they think that they are so clever for doing something new, they way they can make you laugh at the most absurd things, how everyday items and noises become sources of such pleasure, how they make you feel perfectly wonderful for performing the most ridiculous tricks, and how frustrated they get when they can't reach something two feet away. Miles is learning to crawl. I guess he has been for a while, but this week I think he means business. It will happen as soon he just has to figure out that he actually has to move his hands and feet in synchronicity to get from A to B. Currently, he just shoots himself forward. I know we're headed for a life change once he starts cruising around. He is so mischievous now, I can only imagine the amount of baby proofing we will have to do.
Miles has also learned to clap his hands recently, which he is ever so proud of. He claps at just about anything that amuses him. I also taught him to Hi-5 the other day. He loves to do it, but will only do it with his right hand. You try to Hi-5 him with the left and he looks at you like you are crazy, mostly because there is a toy in that hand.
Miles has something he would like to say d/;.nsssssssssssssssssssst nbwaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
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